i love ashley too

There was this sourness in my nasal cavity upon reading this and I thought it was worthy of sharing such good literature. She reminded me of how badly I cried somewhat suddenly after talking to my friend's grandfather whilst holidaying at her place. She reminded me of this book we had to do for literature at lower secondary 'Red Sky in the Morning'. She reminded me of this diary entry I wrote in memory of my grandfather. Most importantly, she reminded me that come 4th June 2009, it'll be 10 years since my grandfather left me. That's when the damp couldn't hold on any longer.

At my friend's place, I was trying to hold a conversation with her grandfather with what little English he knows telling me about life, family and love. On most occasions, I would simply nod as though I really understood what he was saying when I don't. That was how I communicated with my grandfather, with what little English and Chinese he knew cause I wasn't staying with them and my dad is adamant that we don't pick up our dialect; hainanese. My grandfather doted on me the most cause I was the only one who bothered I guess. I remembered him dropping my favourite tidbits through the gates when I had chickpox with only my mom staying behind to take care of me (my dad took my brothers with him to my uncle's house to stay). When I had speech and drama classes before school, he'll make my grandmother prepare food so that I can have it in the car whilst he drove me to school. He passes away after getting Parkinsons for a short while. We (the kids) never got to see him for the last time, now thinking back, I wonder what the reason was. The last time I saw him was him lying there in the coffin. We only have a picture of us with him which is now hanging in our living room. I wish there were more. I also wish I have more memories than these...

'Red Sky in the Morning' is a book on how the girl deals with the birth and death of her baby brother. I remember this particular discussion about the girl feeling really angry with herself that as each day goes by, the time spent thinking of her brother decreases. That was exactly how I felt for the 2 years until I read the book. I learnt that it was God's way of making us heal. Time indeed heals all wounds.

I wonder when its my turn to leave, how I'll actually be feeling, what I'll be thinking. The conclusion I came to was: it wouldn't be as bad as when I am seeing my parents who love me to their fullest walk down that undeniable route. Life will really never be the same again cause from than on, there is no one else there anymore to love you that unconditionally as they do (I never believe anyone without blood relations will be able to do that). If you have kids, it'll be your turn to pass it on...